// Thoughtful Toys & Pleasure: Lora DiCarlo

With a continued focus in sexual well-being as part of overall health, it is clear there needs to be a much larger conversation around the power and importance of smart toys and resources for both women, partners of women, and anyone who is curious about this very human aspect of our lives. 

If you listen to my social media, you’re probably aware I have the privilege of trying out many items that are considered to be sex toys or products used primarily for sexual activities (ie. lubes, oils, etc.) Though I hesitate to call the Lora DiCarlo products toys, they can be used to explore pleasure as much as they can be a powerful tool in understanding and learning (or re-learning) one’s body. The entire line is made to mimic human touch and is intuitive in its shape and fit regarding a woman’s body. What I think I found the most interesting was the focus on actual pleasure points for a woman’s body. With only about 25% of women receiving an orgasm from penetration (stats vary widely depending on where you look, but it is definitely less than a 1/3 of women,) it makes an incredible amount of sense that many of the Lora DiCarlo products focus on clitoral stimulation, and/or dual stimulation. Items such as the OSE 2 have dual stimulation where one portion creates a suction sensation while the other limb of the toy features a “come hither” motion (meant to reach the “G Spot,” which is actually clitoral tissue located inside the front third of the vaginal canal.) 

Another hot take many of us never learned: The back two-thirds of the vaginal canal has little to no sensitivity. There has been a huge knowledge gap in understanding female pleasure and female orgasm (we didn’t even know the clitoris existed until the 90’s.) 

So, choosing a product that is crafted to work on the areas of our bodies that do respond to stimulation can lead to greater bodily understanding, and ultimately more pleasure. 

Another aspect of Lora DiCarlo’s products I found incredibly important is the option to book a session with a wellness coach. These *free* sessions can be empowering as they help to normalize the conversations around pleasure, one’s body, toy use, or even something like using lube (Lora DiCarlo has my favorite lube as well.) Shame lives in secrecy, so the very nature of having an open and safe space to discuss toys, or questions surrounding toys and/or pleasure, and/or sexuality allows many of us to start to take the shame off these conversations and take the shame off sex and sexual experiences as well. They wellness coaches can also offer recommendations for which item(s) might be best for you.  

Now, to what I assume many of you want to hear; honest reviews. All the items have incredible material, which feels delicate and truly human like.  

OSE 2: This item won a robotics award from CES. Talk about innovative. Waterproof with 10 intensity settings, this item is also handsfree. The stimulation is not a traditional vibration but more of a humming that is less, dare I say, aggressive than many other “vibrators” on the market. 

Baci, Filare, Carezza, and Drift are all clitoral focused stimulation, and the Lora DiCarlo website does a far better job explaining the difference than I ever could. The Drift is actually a warming toy, that can help create an easy transition for someone, perhaps, newer to toys and looking for something welcoming. I cannot stress enough how important feeling comfortable is in your sexual experiences (solo and partnered.) 

The Onda is more G spot focused as pleasure varies from body to body, and we get to explore as we would like, choosing what makes the most sense for our experiences. 

Lora DiCarlo also makes a water-based lube that is recommended for use with toys, especially those with a clitoral suction component. This helps to get a more secure “seal” if you will with the toy and your body.

I think we should take a moment to acknowledge the very real stigma around using lube. There is no shame in wanting or needing to use lube. It does not mean anything is wrong with you or your partner’s body. Lube can increase comfort and enhance experiences, whether with oneself or in partnered experiences or exploration.

Stay tuned to my Instagram for more about Lora DiCarlo, and resources for sexual well-being.  

// Next Level Hydration for Skin with BIOEFFECT #30daychallenge

When it comes to my skin, my main focus has always been hydration, given the need for hydration to help with my skin’s overall appearance, help with dull looking skin, and on a more serious note, help combat the effects of aging on skin. 

It is no secret that I love skincare and am serious about skincare that works. After using the BIOEFFECT serum, I was taken aback with how smooth and supple my skin felt. From there, I took part in the #30daychallenge with BIOEFFECT which includes a clean skincare formula super-serum from Iceland that contains only 9 ingredients, with Barley Growth Factors that are grown in a carbon neutral greenhouse. 

I used BIOEFFECT’s 30 Day Treatment, which is their most potent serum and is like giving your skin an anti-aging turbo boost.  It’s designed to help tackle 6 of the most visible signs of aging such as wrinkles, dullness, redness, sagginess, pore size and dryness. 

BIOEFFECT utilizes Barley EGF in their serums. EGF stands for epidermal growth factor. Growth factors play a key role in supporting our skin’s structural system and the production of collagen and elastin. These are vital in keeping skin thick and dense, so it remains healthy, protected, and hydrated. All factors that keep wrinkles at bay. We start to lose these valuable growth factors by the time we reach our 20s. 

Along with the serum (you only need a few drops every morning and evening,) are the Imprinting Hydrogel Masks. These futuristic looking masks (really, they look and feel so cool on the skin,) contain pure Icelandic Water, Hyaluronic Acid and Glycerin which means they are calming and leave skin feeling softer and smoother. I use these masks about once a week and love putting on the BIOEFFECT serum, followed by the Hydrogel Mask. These products have streamlined my skincare and yet have led to powerful changes in how my skin feels. Evening skincare goes: cleanse, eye serum, #30daychallenge serum, seal in hydration with the mask, and finish with a light night balm. Day time is even more simple, but always contains BIOEFFECT serum. 

““A 30-day, in-house, double-blind and placebo-controlled study showed up to +86% improvement in skin hydration, up to 34% reduction in the appearance of wrinkles, and up to 20% improvement in the visible elasticity of skin. “”

— BIOEFFECT #30daychallenge

Using the BIOEFFECT serums, along with the masks, and the eye serum have made a huge difference in the texture of my skin. My skin feels softer and smoother, even with minimal moisturizers. I used to have to pile on moisturizers and oils, but with BIOEFFECT, my skin actually feels more hydrated. It also appears smoother, more plump and healthier overall. Fine lines are less noticeable and seem to have diminished with the #30daychallenge. Check out the before and after here, same time of day, and same location in my kitchen, with the same lighting. 

 This 30-day treatment is meant to be used 1-4 times as a concentrated boost for skin. 

And for the month of January, the 30-Day Treatment and Hydrogel Masks are 15% on BIOEFFECT.COM.

// Choosing a Yoga Mat with Confidence #OEKO-TEX

One of the biggest sentiments I carry with me regarding thoughtful living, is that the knowledge about products we use in and around our lives is just as important as what we put in and on our bodies. After living on an organic produce farm and writing about conscious living in my twenties, I’ve always kept an eye to the quality of products I bring into my home and life, including items I use for my yoga practice. 

There is no denying the overlap of health and safety when it comes to people and the planet. Though I know this can all seem overwhelming at times, I’m a huge proponent of small things often. As we learn and understand the impact of the materials in products we use, we can make small choices that can add up to a much bigger impact. 

 Thankfully for all of us, there are certifications such as OEKO-TEX® that provides a solution that can benefit our lives. I know many of us are aware of the hazards of ingesting chemicals, yet rarely think about the potential constant contact of chemicals through clothes and home goods. This can include your yoga mat. Considering my long history with yoga mats, I’m no stranger to different kinds of mats. I’m asked often about the best mats, and I take into consideration quality, size, shape, and material when making my decision. I’ve always said the Manduka PRO mats that have been certified with the STANDARD 100 by OEKO-TEX® label are the top pick. Looking for the OEKO-TEX® label  ensures I can choose and recommend a yoga mat that is safe for our bodies with confidence. 

STANDARD 100 by OEKO-TEX® is one of the world’s best-known labels for textiles tested for harmful substances, certifying that the final product and each of the components (from fabrics, to buttons, to other accessories) has been rigorously tested for chemicals toxic to humans. You might have already seen this label and not known fully what this certification meant (check out this pillow I recently bought as I saw the label and knew I could trust keeping this on my bed or using it for a bolster in restorative yoga!) 

Knowledge is power and seeing the OEKO-TEX® label can help us all find products that have been determined to be safe to have in our homes and super close to our bodies. 

This post is in partnership with OEKO-TEX®. Big thanks to such an important organization.  

Follow OEKO-TEX® on socials here. 

Follow Manduka Yoga on socials here.

#OEKOTEXCares #OEKOTEX #OEKOTEXSTANDARD100 #OEKOTEXcertified #newyear #sustainableliving #yogainspiration #newyearyoga

// BioChem Protein: Blending science and nature

This post is sponsored by Biochem

 Life has been surprisingly busy lately.  I’m lifting again (with a mask and lots of hand washing) while seeing clients all week. I always need more sustainable protein options with my active lifestyle. In  an ideal world, I’d have 1g of protein /lb of body weight, and it’s not always easy to think about getting protein all the time. I love how Biochem is making it easy to get this protein in for me, to keep my muscles strong and my health supported. Did you know that BCAA’s (Branch Chain Amino Acids,)  found in Biochem’s Whey Protein are crucial for maintenance of immune function?  

 I’ve been a long time protein powder fan for after heavy workouts, but I like to keep protein powder at home for when I need a quick snack or if I’m running late and have to eat something. Though I haven’t been cooking much, I hear great  things about how easy it is to add Biochem  Protein to pancakes, muffins, etc.  I’m alternating between the Whey Protein which contains all amino acids, and is made from a cool process that is chemical free micro-filtration/ultra-filtration which means key nutrients that support the immune system remain intact, and the Plant  Protein  which is a 100% vegan protein with a complete amino acid profile. 

For more information on how Biochem combines science and nature, check out biochemprotein.com

// Mental Health + Therapy Resources

Many amazing lists of resources already exist, but I am happy to have a space here if your travels around the internet find you here. 

Finding a Therapist / 

This can seem daunting, and it might take more time than you would like it to. The first two resources are far more inclusive, in my opinion, but you never know where you might find the therapist that fits for you. When looking, you should be able to feel safe talking to this person, even when things become difficult (which they probably will.) Therapy is not a place where everything we do or think is cosigned, rather it is sometimes a challenge, as it offers perspective shifts, coming to terms with pain and/or truth, and navigating life situations as we experienced them. 

Inclusive Therapists

Therapy Den

Good Therapy

Psychology Today

Hotlines / 

Sometimes the help we need is instant. If you or someone close to you is ever in immediate danger for themselves or others, please call 911 or take them or yourself to the nearest emergency room. 

Suicide Prevention: 800-662-4357

Crisis Text Line:  Text HELLO to 741741

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673

Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Substance Abuse/ Mental Health Helpline: 800-662-4357

Special Circumstance /

Alcoholic Anonymous (AA,) Narcotics Anonymous (NA,) Overeaters Anonymous (OA,) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA,) Al-Anon/Alateen (Friends and families of addicts anonymous,) and other types of 12-step meetings, hotlines, and online resources can be found by googling the type of 12-step meetings you’re looking for along with the city, state, region you are currently in.

Planned Parenthood

After Abortion Resources

// A Year of Favorites : 2019

This year has given me a great deal of changes. Changes I was happy to make. As many of you know, I love products that are worth their price, quality ingredients, thoughtful or conscious, or just truly wonderful stuff that you won’t throw out or waste. Though I like shopping, I move intentionally with my purchases. Very much the ‘bring joy’ or makes my life easier and better mentality. 

Below is my favorites for 2019; items I enjoy day to day, daydream about having forever, or intentionally buy more of. 

HOME // 

Huut Bedding sheets - I’ve been using these since some time in 2018, and they are not only organic but super soft. They are sheets that make me want to take care of them because I love them so much. 

Slip Silk Pillowcases - I’m 34 with long hair and no longer wake up with my face looking smashed. Silk pillowcases are the life upgrade so many of y’all don’t know you need. 

And these are the only hair ties I use except while working out (sweat and silk; not the move.) 

Don’t forget the silk laundry wash to keep your pillowcases, scrunchies and eye masks fresh and clean.

Stray and Wander towels and blankets - I feel like an adult. A conscious ethical shopping adult who has cozy towels and blankets all over my home now.  CODE: cbquality gets ya 10% off 

Calendrea Counter sprays (or anything really) via Grove Collective - Man, if you not using stuff that smells this good in your home, what are you using?? I buy this from Grove Collaborative and it’s my absolute favorite (I’m giving y’all all my secrets as to how my spot smells so nice.) 

Brentwood Home Mattress, Bolsters, and this Quilt - I run hot at night, and being sweaty  at night is a recipe for ruining your sheets and your sleep quality. I need a lighter quilt vs a heavy duvet, and I’ve loved this one since I got it in May. 

SKINCARE // 

Moonlit skincare eye mask - it’s beautiful, it helps with my sleep by  blocking out light, and being healthier and feeling better bc of better sleep is a win win win (also, sort of a home item.) 

Hanskin - truly a game changer for hydration. The best night time moisturizer yet. 

Clear & Brilliant Laser Facials - also a skin changing process that’s worth the investment. I also do all my laser hair removal here, and have had wonderful experiences (I’ve been going to Laser Away for two years now.) 

Indie Lee - The daily vitamin infusion and the daily skin nutrition. Lovely daily items. I get these from The Detox Market via the search bar there. 

Joanna Vargas Spa and Serums and Masks - I can’t say enough good things about these products, and the facials I’ve had at their NYC location. I came out glowing for days. These are also the only sheet masks I’ll use now. Skin always looks plump and beautiful afterwards. 

Detox Market Monthly Boxes - the quality of the products is next level. I’ve discovered some amazing items and was able to try out other favorites with these boxes. Worth the money for sure for sure. 

New Customers get 10% off their first order with the link above.  

Edinburgh Natural Skincare Body Butter and Solid hand bars - This body butter is not sticky, super moisturizing and makes skin oh so soft. The hand bars are also a sustainability shopper’s dream as they come in a reusable tin. 

Malin+Goetz Eye Cream and Cream - another product I used and had to restock on. It works. You will notice a difference in your eye area (or at least I did, and I’ve tried ‘bout everything. Hereditary dark circles.) 

Revitalizing Eye Cream

Advanced Renewal Cream

Advanced Renewal Moisturizer  

Wander Beauty - not sure if make up is skincare, but this is my go to for make up, even though I don’t wear it much ever. Their collection of highlighters, cream formulas, face oil, and mascara are always in my bag.

OSEA: Eye and Lip Cream, Undaria Algae Oil, Anit-Aging Body Balm, and more - this brand is wonderful, and the body oil is outta this world, as is the body balm. The eye and lip cream is thick, moisturizing, and I love being able to use it for my eyes and lips.

Aquaphor - a home is not a home without at least one container of this around. I use it for dry skin in the winter, even on my face and cheeks (wind can be brutal,) after laser facials or peels, and on cuts and scraps to avoid scarring. I also use the spray version over when my skin is feeling parched. I get everyone I love who has drier skin or skin issues on it.

HEALTH / WELL BEING // 

Seed - whew. I can’t say enough good things about seed probiotic and prebiotic. I’ve been a faithful daily user for over a year now. CODE: cbquality for 15% off 

Vim &  Vigr Compression Socks - aight, Imma come clean. I was told by a  doctor to get compression socks, especially for long haul travel, over a year ago and I could not bring myself to get the medical looking ones. Finding Vim&Vigr was not only great because they are stylish, and look like regular socks but I am shocked how much better I feel when I wear them as needed. The daily ones are great for if you’re driving or standing on your feet all day, and the other ones I use for air travel and, again, can’t say enough good things. For health and circulation. 

HUM Nutrition Supplements - I’ve gone through multiple bottles of this over the year, here are my favorites:

Glow Sweet Glow

Turn Back Time

Collagen Love  

QUIM - is a lovely oil for your most personal parts. The Everyday Quim with CBD is a great day to day item, but the Smooth Operator is wonderful, too. Also, I’m not in Cali, but I’m going to go ahead and say the Night Moves with THC is probably a great time.

Vita Coco Coconut Oil - this could easily go into skincare, as I use it all over my body along with as a make up remover, however, I also cook with it. I also get a small jar with me when I travel.

Reading Books + Audible - could put these in just because, but the health benefits of reading or listening to a book on tape, I will put them here. I’ll work on a fresh book list as well, but for now here are a few previous ones from the blog: book list 1, and wellness book list.

FITNESS  // 

Under Armour Women Bras - I love having an array of minimal soft work out bras, and I keep coming back to these for every work out (lifting and yoga.) 

UA Seamless Minimal Bra One

UA Strappy Minimal Bra

UA Seamless Minimal Bra with Logo Band

Year of Ours Workout Sets - these might be the most flattering pants for anyone. High waisted, super stretchy, and great material + design. 

Perform Better Workout Bands - I’m as low key as they come with these and order from the website I used to stock up from when I was a personal trainer. I keep them in my gym and travel bags, meaning I use them 1-3 times a week, every week. 

Under Armour Bodysuits 1 and 2: 

Always on Bodysuit  and the UA Trek Armour Bodysuit  

So UA did it this year with bodysuits that were super flattering for my curves and served their purpose. I wear the black one running errands in hot weather and the trek one is super warm (and makes me look like a super hero.) I’d also wear it our with oversized sweats and heels in the winter. 

JUST BC - Things that make my life better // 

Pete and Gerry’s Organic Eggs - Oh my god. Why are eggs so good? Why is so much of my life enriched by good eggs? Quality eggs with dark yellow or orange yolks will change your life. You can also buy them at Target 

Delta Airlines and American Express - nothing like some status and perks to make all my travels a little more smooth but truly, the customer service and card benefits are the real win here. 

Platinum Amex Apply

Delta Platinum Amex Apply 

Attractive and conscious underwear - in matching sets + women owned businesses:

Mary Young, Pansy, and Proclaim

Quality Swimsuits -

Myra Swim - the best suits. Best materials, flattering, no wild weird sizing, and worth the price. Customer service and quality control is also top notch.

Somerfield Swim - quickly becoming my grab and go suits with a price point that is accessible, good material, and cute bikinis (some run small, some run a little larger, depending on cut.)

Google Hub + Google Nest - nothing is better than being able to ask the time, weather, or quick questions without having to pick up my phone.

Philips Hue Lighting - energy efficient lighting that I can dim, brighten and control all via voice or an app.

Here’s to a beautiful 2020 with all the love possible.

// Sun Care is Self Care

It’s come to my attention that sun care isn’t taken nearly as seriously as it should be. I’m also hearing about dangerous home made sunscreens in an attempt to avoid chemicals in the ever popular “clean beauty” space. 

Growing up on a beach and in the hot ass south, there was not shortage of sunshine or time spent in the sun. Sun burns are real. Skin cancer is real. And it’s not just pasty white folks that are at risk. People of all skin tones are at risk for skin cancer. The worst part is in darker skin tones, skin cancer is usually not diagnosed until later stages, making it even more deadly and develops on unexposed parts of the body, such as soles of feet, palms, lower leg, or even under a nail. We all need to think a little more about how we care for our skin in the sun. Not to mention, 90% of skin aging is caused by the sun. 

Thinking I tanned easily with this hispanic mix of skin was not helping me protect myself. Here are my SPF basics and rules I always follow now.

Hot Takes: 

+ SPF (which means Sun Protection Factor ) of even 15 will block 93% of harmful rays, but I always read to get at least a 30 SPF, and apply often. See How to Apply below.

+ Wear a hat. I’m always in a wide brim hat, and if nothing else, I will buy a baseball cap with a larger bill to protect my face.

+ Wear UV shades. Eyes are delicate and need to be protected, too.

+ Cover up, finding some shade or an umbrella also can help. 

+ Take extra care during the hottest parts of the day (10am to 2pm generally) 

+ Find sunscreens that work and carry them with you! 

I have sunscreen in most all my bags, for my neck, face, and hands (tops of feet and ankles /calves also need it depending on what you’re wearing that day) so I can reapply as needed. 

Resources:

Personal favorites: 

+ Vive Sana Serum Creama SPF 20 and SPF 30 
Or check out the rest of CAP Beauty’s Sun Care 

+ Hawaiian Tropic 30 SPF

+ REN Clean Mineral Screen

+ The Detox Market has a whole skincare section and a high standard for products. 

+ LaserAway SPF - I pick up these little bottles during my appointments there, but they care a great deal about sunscreen as well, and list their favorites here.

+ Top hat from Tommy Bahama or Dorfman Pacific Company, but I’ll buy anything the resort or beach shop has available for a good price. Look for “lifeguard style” hats (the brims are large and they are made for sun and water exposure, ie. they last) or even companies like ASOS have sun hats now. Like this one.

How to Apply: 

+ Put SPF on dry skin before you get into the sun (15-20 mins) 

+ A body needs a full short glass size of sunscreen. Don’t scrimp here; too little and you’re not getting the sun protection listed.

+ Reapply every 2 hours or after sweating / getting out water.

// A Discourse on the Conscious Buying of Things

This morning I purchased yet another white linen robe, and thought about my Rent the Runway unlimited subscription that is supposed to help me buy less things. There’s a growing narrative in the work I do that we don’t need more things and that minimalism is a step closer to godliness. Hell, even I think a calm environment echoes inner calmness and vice versa. Though I’m not championing the gross extremes of consumerism, there is something to be said about the things you have and the things you buy helping to create a more sound, genuine and authentic version of yourself that you feel better about. 

Over the course of my adulthood, it became apparent to me, to feel more like myself and the life I wanted to create, all I had to do was to be more conscious and intention with my purchases. All and all, that is how the life I wanted was going to be shaped. It certainly does not happen overnight, nor does it remain consistent over time but this simple understanding helped me stand more in my truth than accepting that I had to continue to only have the things that no longer felt like me. 

Often times, we lust after those lives on the internet or anywhere, even a friend’s home decor style, not realizing it’s less about amount of money we have and more about how we choose to allocate the resources we do have. For example, we have to get a coat, or we have to get a new sofe; with some planning, it’s possible to get the one that you actually see as the life you want. You can have that. You can be that person. We have the ability to self-determine and define for ourselves the types of people we want to be. 

Though sometimes we need to hear that “you can be that.” It’s as if we need permission because perhaps we don’t believe we are worthy of being what we want and desire or what we believe to be “superior” to our current status. However, this shift has to occur inside first, even before you decide to make any purchases. 

However, the power of things to help us feel better about ourselves cannot be denied. Watch any episode of Queer Eye (and cry along with me) but the power of a wardrobe shift, a few more grooming products, and the living environment make-over is enough to turn people’s entire view of themselves around. So as I’m confronted with the culture of “buy less things” (which I do whole heartedly believe in,) I don’t have shame in making sure the things I have support the life I want, and make me feel good about me. This goes for the type of beauty routine I want (clean or effective products, that smell and feel good, with packaging I can recycle,) the type of home I want (enough space for friends to come stay with me so I can be domestic and make them welcome kits with toothbrushes and clean towels,) to the type of woman I want to be at home (linen robes, dreamy dusters, silk pillowcases, and hands that are always soft.) 

This can all start with the powerful I AM statements I talk about all the time, it’s even one of my few tattoos. Think to yourself or write, more powerful, out I AM ____ and not just about the current status but who you want to be. Here are some examples, because even in the land of affirmations and feelings, lives products that can support that. These can also change given the day, the year, the season. 

+ I am a woman with a calm and welcoming home. (this is how I plan what I put in my home.) 

+ I am a goddess who floats around her apartment in luxury fabrics. (this is how I allocate what robe and products I buy when it’s time.) 

+ I am a powerful woman who has her shit together and is not intimidated by any space. (this is why I buy statement coats and make sure I have tailored trousers and put together business casual looks that fit my personality, not what some stale person told me I had to wear to be in those spaces. It’s also why I do Rent the Runway, so I can switch out these looks and try out looks I thought were “not for me” at one point, but they are for me, and they can be for you, too) 

+ I hold space for my friends and take care of my family. (this is how I plan travel and gift giving.) 

+ I’m a lady who smells amazing and has skin that my ex-lovers remember how soft it is. (this is where you get yourself some things that smell amazing and feel like YOU, and take the time to take care of your skin.) 

These might sound ridiculous but they’re mine. Go create yours. They don’t have to make literal sense to anyone but you, so be as specific as you’d like. It’s a practice in self awareness and intuition. We know exactly who we are, we just have to unlearn who we were told we were and who we were told we could be. You can be that woman (or man,) you want to be. It just takes figuring out how to believe it, activate it, and own it. 

Certainly shopping and the acquisition of “things” can become a method to not feel, to avoid uncomfortable feelings, and revel in poor coping mechanisms. However, I think when you’re conscious about who you are, and who you want to be, you avoid mindless buying and escapism into things. You instead make a plan, that can be minimal at that, and execute it was possible. Allowing yourself the space to feel joy over these things you wanted to feel the most like yourself.

It feels good to become the person you want to be, and to live in that truth. And when the “but I can’t’ because” start to crop up, take pause, get creative and be patient. I had to wait a long time to be able to do some of the things that mattered so much to me, but I believed in my core, who I was, and who I am. I also had to challenge myself when the person I knew I was was not lining up with how I was living. It’s a process, but one that can be supported by the things you choose to have. Let your consuming be conscious, and see what opens up. 

// Skincare Updates + PD

At this moment, my skin is in the best shape it has been in for some time now.

However, over the last few months, I experienced a seemingly mysterious skin condition. Being in my mid 30s’ my skin has calmed down and with the help of great skincare products, I haven’t had too much of an issue. I take a less is more approach and things were looking up. Enter in a few dry patches around my nose that were aggressively itchy. My first approach had me wondering if they were pimples and then eczema. 

After some trouble shooting, turns out I have Perioral Dermatitus and was prescribed a fungal medicine by my dermatologist. However, this pesky condition has the ability to come back, and can be aggravated by different facial cleanses or ingredients and the cold isn’t helpful either. 

PD prefers to be dry, so you will have to lay off your oils and anything else that might have caused a reaction. This takes carefully reading and looking at the items you have been using along with keeping stress levels low, and other parts of your body healthy as well. Everything truly is connected if you asked me.  

I also learned of a skincare line specifically for PD and some other tips that friends who have had this condition used. Here are some of my tips along with skincare that doesn’t bother my skin when I don’t have and flaring up (I still avoid putting most everything on the sides of my nose, where I have the worst reaction.)

Periorial Dermatitis 

+ Osmia Skincare : The cleansing soap + moisturizer. 

Totally organic and with a founder who knows plenty about PD, I learned so much and trust this product to always help soothe my face. I would stick to this exclusively if you’re having issues with PD currently. However, it can be too drying for some skin. 

+ Diaper rash cream (with 40% zinc oxide) + zinc supplements 

+ The only things that worked for me was time and figuring out the underlying causes, along with prescriptions from my doctor. Maybe this is my own thinking but if the rest of your system is upset (potentially you have BV or a UTI,) your skin might flare up. I was also prescribed metronidazole topical cream .75-1% and instructed to use this daily. 

Current Skincare

+ JKosmmre — Utilizing Beta-Glucans, this serum has helped the skin around my eyes tremendously as well as my skin’s overall texture. I use it with the toner and moisturizer (often mixed with a facial oil during winter days) + the enzyme cleaner when my skin is feeling calm 

+ True Botanicals — Long time user and big fan of products from the facial cleaner (it smells so good) to the renew oil (a must have) and the exfoliating power of the  (just finish off this whole body treatment with the body oil for the real skin win.) I also love using the    +    overnight. Though not a retinol it encourages skin turnover and there is a noted difference when using this regularly. 

+ Edinburgh Facial Oil — On my third bottle now, but the smell and texture of this is beautiful. Great for mature skin, I always have this with me to use alone or mix with other moisturizing serums and oils. Love their products for face and body (and they have amazing glass or tin packaging, amen!)

+ Malin + Goetz eye cream — Always need a good eye serum, and loving this new one.

+ Osea Malibu Oils — Keep the roller in my bag, the cleanser in my bag, and use many of the other oils for body. So good.

+ Vita Coco — organic coconut oil. — Hypo allergenic, coconut oil is the moisturizer some of us didn’t know we needed. Some conditions are not ideal for using coconut oil, but I prefer to use this on my body. 

Masks + Special Treatments 

 + Tracie Martyn Exfoliating mask — Another incredible smelling item, I put this on and let it sit 5-10 minutes, and wash it off in the shower. Incredible products and a beautiful spa in NYC if y’all are ever in town. Has the best micocurrent facial you can get in the city, in my humble opinion. 

+ Glow Recipe Avocado Sleeping Mask — I now use this every night over my entire night time routine. 

+ Spot treatments (that work) — Avarelle Patches are a long time fav that fit spots overnight or Killa kit from ZitSticka (which I’ve used on some pesky neck spots.)

+ Facials

+ CAP beauty facials — for clarity of mind and a calm spirit. These are rejuvenating. A massage for your face. Feels like an hour of meditation for me. Truly healing. 

+ Clear & Brilliant Laser facial (from LaserAway) — These facials can be done in sets of 4, and can be done 1-2 weeks apart. Good for a host of issues.

+ Rare but also booking a laser facial with my Dermatologist Dr. Ingleton to help with broken capillaries around my nose and on my cheeks. This will part of long term skin upkeep for me. Also, she is brilliant and helped me understand my skin as a mid 30’s woman. I always recommend that you see professionals when diagnosing or evaluating skin and skin conditions. Dermatologists do not just look at your face, but skin over your entire body plus hair and nails. They can also discuss options for cosmetic work like fillers or other injectables, or treatments that might be beneficial to your skin, whatever stage of life you might be in.

// CB Feel Good Diary

And by Feel Good, I mean, living my life and trying to get through each day in a conscious and sane way while not starving.

Inspired by Refinery29 “Feel Good Dairies” I started noticing they all had a wellness gimmick or more, and as someone who’s been going to the gym and working at a co-op since I was a teen; I don’t think wellness or health is a trend, nor do I some of the methods for eating we have been shown by mainstream media help direct us. So here is my week in review. I tried to add in the same sorts of items from R29 (meals, time, prices, other activities that “equal wellness”.)

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I found having to track all of this absurd. Who wants to write this stuff down? However, I think a profile of someone who eats what they want is worthwhile and necessary.

This is a typical travel and work week with lifting, workouts, fertility tracking, meditation and more. 

22 FEB / FRI work and lifting 

7am — Log my sleep and data on Ava. Ive been tracking my periods for 6+ years but trying out a more health data angle. 

Regular Breakfast - same shit every time I'm home. Which is 2 eggs + 2 egg whites cooked in avocado oil sprayer from Chosen Foods or Coconut Oil, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, and about 1-1.5 cups of cooked brown rice? I have no idea. I don't measure it. Sometimes I eat all of it, sometimes it's left over and I just toss it. I buy organic short short grain brown rice and always have it cooked in my fridge. But today I'm using brown rice left over from Thai delivery bc I get rice noodles in on the side to add to my green curry and save the complimentry brown rice for breakfast. Yum. I order groceries from Jet or hit the local health food store by my place, so breakfast is probably $8 at home. I also have tea everyday, 2-3 cups.

Noon — Smoothie from splendid spoon bc they were sent to me, they don’t have enough protein for my liking though.

Cranberries — I buy 3 bags, and it's $8.67. 

1pm — Pre workout shake with pressed coconut water and Innermost. Head to the gym. I hit a personal best with a 210lb squat. YAS ME. I'm proud. 

5pm — Post workout meal 2 chicken breasts, with a salad, broccoli and a baked potato with so much sour cream and salt - $19.80 so $20 

8pm — Salty natural popcorn from Gary Nulls in NYC.  $3 for a bag I'll eat in 2 days.  Another pressed coconut water Vita Coco.  

11pm — Put on my Saje oils and Breethe meditation app I use all the time and drift off. 

23 FEB / SAT

8am — Again log Ava since I'm not traveling with it. 

9am — Reg breakfast  / tea / supplements - Currently I’m taking Magnesium, SEED, Omega 3 & 6 (since I’m out of evening primrose oil,) Ashwagandha, Vitex and sometimes a B-50 Complex. SEED is on a monthly subscription and I get it every month for $49 I think.

1pm — Half a roast chicken breast  - from Pio pio, dried cranberries and a pressed coconut water Vita Coco 

5pm — Salmon tartare / roast brussel sprouts / and probably 5 slices of French bread - from milk&roses in BK 

8pm — Chicken breasts left over from diner meal and the rest of my popcorn. 

11pm — I really want to be drinking coconut milk but it's too late to hit the store on the corner (closes at 11pm) and I don't much like the other store + I don't want to leave my place. Have 1 or 2 Raw Rev Bars, I forget how many (but code CBQUALITY gets you 20% bars, btw.)

1am — Same as last night: oils, meditation, journaling, sleep. 

24 FEB / SUN

8am — Half a pressed coconut water and a giant iced tea I made with PG tips in the Uber to JFK. 

9am — Delta lounge - 4 boiled eggs, 2 slices of sad bacon, 2 pieces of multigrain toast with 3-4 Tbs of jam. 

Another tea. Did I take my supplements? 

Noon — Power Crunch bar on the plane and a huge bottle of water I filled up. MIA here I come!

2pm — Starving but have a meeting and they had snacks. I had 2 bags of smart popcorn and 2 bottles of water. And 1 sparkling water. 

4pm — Linked up with friends (and craving a real meal but not wasn't time to do all that yet so eat another raw rev bar with 15g of protein) 

6pm — I have a bottle of sparkling rose (cause I'm fancy af) and split a filet / mashed potatoes / and a kale salad with my girl. I ask for lighter hand on the dressing but it's not all that light. We still ate everything and finished our pal’s drink that looked like a giant fishbowl of pina colada.

I always want something sweet so we grabbed ice cream on Ocean Drive. I got vanilla with sprinkles. I don't eat dairy but I am open to most all food. And I love sprinkles. Gonna say $180 for all this together so half for me? $90? 

9pm — Buy bottles of water on the way home and more sunscreen - $20 

11pm — Finished a long grad school paper with my group. Mama CB is tired but committed. 

25 FEB / MON

7am — Thank God I had a huge bottle of water in the room to drink upon waking up. 

8am — Grab a sesame croissant with ham and cheese. Give my girl the cheese (I hate cheese) and eat the rest of it. $8

Grab a tea $3 

2pm — Lunch at Sushi Samba - huge salad with , tuna ceviche with plantain chips, salmon and tuna sashimi and split a roll with my girl. Green tea. 

Buy a hat bc this sun is no joke, and 3 more bags of dried cranberries at CVS -$15 

Finally take my supplements since I forgot this am. 

7pm — Head to Leynia at my fav hotel. Hendricks and soda with cucumber and mint. Surprised I didn't have 2-3 drinks but such is life. Shared dinner with my girl. Kale salad, grilled octopus, branzino with potatoes, mixed mushrooms (my favorite.) Had a hot water with lemon bc I was chilled,and had the rest of a bag of dried cranberries when we got home. - $196 for 2 

26 FEB / TUES

8am — Starbucks large black iced tea + protein box but I don't like cheese so left that. -$11? 

1:30pm — Havana 1959. Love this place. Get my fav Vaca Frito Pollo (extra crispy) with a side of boiled Yuca / split a white fish ceviche with my girl and have plantain chips. 

5pm — BARRYS - my quads are on fire, and I'm not sure it's actually a decent workout, but it’s great to work out. Grab a smoothie with almond milk/ whey protein / strawberries. - $35 

8:30pm — Hit an Italian seafood spot that's delicious. Start with an aperol spritz and the toasted bread. 

Tuna tartare, chopped salad with pistachios, branzino, and a side of asparagus. Key lime pie and lemon. We shared dinner again while the waiter flirted with us. - $190 for 2 

27 FEB / WED

Bottle of water and a huge black tea again. Take my supplements and really need to eat bc supplement belly can be iffy but nothing more dried cranberries can't fix. 

10:45am — Delta lounge. I get access with an Amex platnium which is $599/year but with how much I travel it's a win win. Grab 5 boiled eggs. 3 pieces of toast. 5-6Tb raspberry jam. I want more food but my flight is boarding. Fill up my water bottle from bottle water in the lounge and head out. 

1pm — Have a double bourbon on the rocks while watching the Cohen trials on the plane. America is entertaining in the worst ways. (Ok, I had two of those bourbons.) 

3pm — Ubers is $98 and the pool is $85. Blehhh. I’ve had enough bourbon to brave the train.  $20

4pm — Note to self. Don't take the train again. 

6pm — Salad, 2 chicken breasts, steam broccoli, baked potato with sour cream and lots of salt. More popcorn. Buy a box of Russel Stover's chocolates bc I had a random Valentine's thought it would be nice. Eat 3. Not inspired. $20+ $10 

9pm — Swamped with catch up emails / work before I leave tomorrow again. Oh yeah, I also have a grad school final this week by Sunday. 

11:35pm — More cranberries / melatonin from Bach. Mind racing. Exhausted. 

28 FEB / THURS work day and flying again.

6:14am — Why am I up? 

7:30am — Regular home breakfast of eggs, turkey bacon, and brown rice. Iced tea.

11am — Head is aching. Grab another tea and Advil $6  

Noon — Shooting activewear with NBC. Uber over $25. This fit is cute, I do love a monochromatic look. 

2pm — Thank god I'm packed. Traveling is cool until you have to do it all the time for work so it's more planning of what to wear, what do I have to do while I'm there, etc. I probably need an assistant. Thankful for work and being able to speak with my wonderful followers. 

Move my flight - $318 

Eat a banana. 

3pm — Meet up with this man I’ve been seeing. Have salmon brochette with salad and pita. Down 5- Hendricks and soda. I forget if it's 5 or 6. 2 bottles of Evian. 

7:30pm — MUST MAKE MY FLIGHT. Leave him, but wanna stay. Travel is tough, love is tougher. Uber - $87 

9pm — 3 boiled eggs at the Claire/Delta lounge. Grab spicy snack mix and 3 chocolate chip cookies. 

10pm — We in the air. And by we. I mean me. Airplane meal of cheeky chicken meatballs and mash with a caramel cake thing. Water and more water + any bars I have in my bag during flight. I can’t sleep on planes.

1 MAR / FRI arrive in London at 9:15AM

9:25am — Landed early yet customs was so long. Didn't get out of the airport til 11:45am. That UK fast track would have been a nice touch. Starving but I get chocolates at the airport as a welcome gift! Need so much water. 

1pm — Finally get a full English breakfast. The bacon here is so good. Bacon, sausage, 2 eggs, mushrooms, sourdough toast with jams, tea. Yesssss. So good. I needed this. I could eat this everyday.

4pm — Honestly thought I’d get a nap. HA. Calls with my lawyer and work to do and be done. Down another water and some more dried cranberries.

8pm — Dinner is a huge platter of steak and wine, with appetizers and sides of broccoli and chips.

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There you have it. A busy week in the life and times. My wellness is a focus of certain things that keep me sane: journaling, mediation, workouts when I can, supplements, and spending time with people I love. Though I don’t mention every time I write, it’s daily. I eat whatever I want, but always drink enough water, and always drink tea. I also have to make sure I get enough protein while on the go.

A week snapshot is hard to get a full picture, but I’ll cover a week in NYC as well, minus meals since I find them too thought-consuming to write about.

// Podcasts & Interviews

Podcasts &  Articles // 

Let it Out with Katie

Unscripted with Nell Daly

The Game Plan with Dale Moss

Off the Strength  

OkReal Interview  

Love Squad Interview

// Jeans for the #PowerofShe

#PowerofShe #Sponsored with love by Athleta.

As many of you recall, there was a time I was doing yoga any and every where. I believed that yoga did not fit in a stereotyped box and it was time we looked at yoga as a lifestyle for every body and any body. On top of yoga, I’m also an avid weight lifter and am an active woman who likes to be comfortable in my clothes. However, I rarely wear tights outside of the gym and am always looking for jeans or other items of clothing that I can wear around the city, traveling, running to meetings, or meeting up with friends.

I recently gave the Athleta Sculptek jeans and tops a run around NYC. The jeans were fitted without being overly tight, and had enough stretch to move with me. And these jeans are long enough for me! I prefer jeans to be long and then I can add in a french cuff if I’d like (I’m 5’8” and maybe a half, shh.) They are made with innovative technology that is supportive and holds you in, but also allows for a full range of motion. I imagine these would be great for hiking, city walking warriors, or just running all the errands that all of us have to do on a day to day basis.

The tops were just as comfy and cozy with stretch and breathable fabric. I’m a hug fan of mock turtlenecks, and these are perfect for layering.

Athleta is always here for empowering women to be the strong, capable, and wonderful creatures we are with clothing options that fit our lives. When we have clothing that is comfortable, we free up lots of mental energy to go about being the best version of ourselves and remain present in whatever our lives might bring us. Uncomfortable clothing makes us hyper aware of our bodies. But when your body feels good and your clothing allows you to be you, you’re open to feel joy and live.

Hit the link above or here to check out the collection for yourself. I’m a big fan of Athleta for quality but also because they have an entire section of clothing that is better for traveling or even casual offices, yet has the feel and comfort of activewear. Check out their Commute/Work section or the Travel section. Best believe I’m about to cop the cashmere jumpers for a cozy winter season ahead.

// Broken Hearts Club Part Deux

There’s this thing I do with pain where I’m so uncomfortable I think I can google away and research away how I actually feel. I think if I can just find a logical reason as to WHY or HOW, I can explain all the hurt and start to feel better but being able to "logic myself out of emotions" never worked. 

But all the googling in the world still can’t mend a broken heart. Perhaps I find explanations and make sense of some of it. Perhaps I don’t feel so alone or start making those it could be worse (but oh it could just have never happened) judgements. 

Yet I still found myself at the mercy of a ruminating mind. Replaying events. Questioning myself and wanting to run to anyone who would listen and try to get their opinion. Again, grappling for answers where there might not be any. Though I read article after article of what to do, when in the actual throws of it, I had to find a way to not wake up depressed and mired in a sea of thoughts everyday. 

To heal, I had to make an effort. Here is my list of things I do, and make sure I do, when the heart aches more than it ever should have to. 

1. Seek help from a professional. Sure, everyone breaks up and maybe you think a therapist is too intense for something something so regular but a non-bias third party who can help you process your pain and not only help you heal, but can help you make positive change towards finding (and maintaining) situations that won’t end up in the same heartache. Though it’s not a guarantee, it is a strong bet towards a more self-aware life that will decrease your chances of subconsciously repeating the same narratives out of familiarity. 

2. Exercise. I think the only thing that kept me feeling any better during any of these times was to exercise. It would lift my mood and for a while, wash away the nauseated feeling that I carried with me in my gut for days (ok, weeks) after certain experiences. It cleared my head. It gave me a moment to get back to my body and feel like myself again; strong, capable, and really worthy of being loved. 

3. Eat well. Though it can sound counter intuitive, we gotta continue to nourish ourselves even when feelings have taken power over our appetites. For some, like me, I lose my entire appetite. Could go days living on nothing but tea and ruminating thoughts, and for others, they seek solace and comfort in food. The former must stay well as must the latter. When excess is the issue, we must stop and ask ourselves about destructive coping patterns that will only end up making us feel sick instead of better. 

4. Journal. Writing was my original therapy. It was a place to talk about everything, in any way I wanted, without having to worry about being judged, any other opinions than my own, and a place to vomit out all my thoughts, rational and not. It’s a space to begin to process your own emotions and it can also be a place to start some much needed rebuilding of inner dialogue to one self. The most impactful journaling I did was when I would either write affirmations I needed to hear that day, or when I was writing advice to myself but as if I was my daughter. The perspective switch can help you dig out of an other wise dark hole of justification, denial, or self-doubt. 

5. But also seek friends and support. Journaling, though amazing, was once a place where I could hide and not share anything about what I was feeling with anyone else. The isolation didn’t make me feel much better. Recall the saying about things eating us from the inside and repressed feelings in the form of stress inside the body causing a host of health issues. You really have to let others care for you. Being able to have friends hold space for me to be and listen, proved to be one of (if not the most) healing aspect of a heart break. You are also reminded how friendships are not just for the happy times but also for when we hurt. And if your friend comes to you in the same situation, make sure to sit with empathy and provide the same love you would want when you’re hurting. 

6. Get back to being good to you. A simple reminder to practice self compassion and be good to you. I often think, no man has ever loved me like I love me. I continue to make better decisions for myself as we can never forget, no one can ever provide a love that you don’t have for yourself first. 

7. Know you can and will heal. Take solace in knowing that whether you can make sense of things or not, you can and will heal. It might take way longer than you’d like and it might echo back any time you are triggered moving forward in life but healing is possible. We will never be quite the same but think less about rebuilding into what was and move towards evolving into what will be as a sum of all your experiences. 

// The Most Personal Trainer: Elvie

Over the last few months I have had the pleasure of working with the Elvie Trainer. Being in yoga and wellness, I’ve never been a stranger to pelvic floor muscles. I’ve long been intrigued with all aspects of my well being, especially those that aren’t always talked about. I’m also a woman who values my sexual and reproductive health. The more I learned about having strong pelvic floor muscles lead me to wonder if I was even doing the things I could to help them out. I spoke with a OBGYN once at an event who told me less than a third of women even know how to do a proper kegel exercise. Ah. With this knowledge, when I learned about the Elvie Trainer, I knew I had to give it a try. 

“What is your pelvic floor? 

The pelvic floor is a powerful set of muscles that sit like a hammock between your tailbone and the public bone, supporting and holding all your central organs in place. They play an important role in core stability, bladder control and even sex. ”

— elvie.com

According to research, 1 in 3 women have pelvic floor weakness and up to 80% of expectant and new moms have pelvic floor issues (like bladder leakage.) These aren’t things I hear women talking about on social media, but I know in my personal circles no subject is off limits and we are each other’s best support for potentially sensitive topics. So, let me be your digital best friend right now, and tell you how special Elvie Trainer is if you’re having pelvic floor issues or if you’re looking to better your sex life in a real way (or if you plan on getting pregnant soon, or if you've recently had a baby and aren’t so sure what to do with pelvic floor weakness.) 

The best parts I learned were that the movement to engage the pelvic floor is not a massive contraction but a more delicate and concentrated movement that feels more like “zipping up” your muscles, not engaging your abs and hips instead. I also learned that pelvic floor strength can vary during different times of the month. So instead of thinking it’s always got to be better and stronger, it’s more about gradual progress that ebbs and flows with how our bodies naturally behave. 

You use the trainer by popping it into your lady bits and connecting to the app which then launches a video game. My competitive ass was really into this part, but you control a diamond through a set of exercises. In as little as 5 minutes, you're finished. You do this every other day (if you can!) and work your way up to different exercises. That's some smart stuff y'all and the same way my strength training programs work for the other muscles of your body. Definitely saw an increase in libido using when I stayed consistent with practice. 

Also, for me, Elvie Trainer’s design was a win win. It’s sleek and nothing like what you might think of when you think “kegels.” It’s discrete (you can even fly with it in your carry on) and easily charges by USB cord. Head over to Elvie.com to learn more. They have all the details and way more info on what the device looks like, how to use it, and how cool the app video game works! 

// Collagen Forever

For those of you who have followed me for some time now, you're well aware of my love for Neocell products. I've been using the collagen and/or beauty bursts for over 7-8 years now. It's a thing! All this hair is a testament to being consistent with taking collagen. 

Collagen has recently become a super hot ingredient. I've long been a fan for the benefits to hair, skin, nails, and my joints; which need all the love they can get with my active lifestyle. It also helps blood, bones, cartilage, ligaments, etc. The anti aging benefits it has for skin has been shown in a study where women who took collagen showed an improvement in skin elasticity in four weeks. Some even say collagen could improve cellulite. I believe that an overall healthy diet, proper exercise and good massage, along with good supplements, can help cellulite if it's a concern of yours. (Bodies are still dope, even with some cellulite, just a little PSA.) 

Neocell has been a long time player in the collagen game and with good reason. I'm such a fan, we recently did a big giveaway with eight winners who are also going to get to experience adding collagen to their diets. The powder formula can be used in water or juice, but you can also toss it into smoothies even easier (I think it adds a nice cohesive texture, if that makes any sense.) 

// Matters of Hydration

With temps in NYC going to places far more uncomfortable than they should be, it’s high time I spoke about my experience with water and true hydration. In my Nourish&Nurture series I started last fall, I spoke about why the topic of hydration matters and why it’s about more than just drinking enough water. 

From my own experience, I have been drinking more water than anyone I know at times and still feeling dehydrated; from muscle cramps to dry eyes and never really feeling like I could get enough water. After running tests with my doctors, I looked into what my other options could be and if my theory around needing more salt, trace minerals, and even sugars could be helpful.  

It’s drilled in our head to ‘drink enough water,’ and the range of benefits that come from being hydrated; from our skin to digestion to most all bodily functions. These are all correct and just reasons. Dehydration can even be dangerous at it’s most extreme, but if we are drinking water or eating the right foods, you will typically be alright. However, what about when you’re doing the things you need, as I was, and still feeling thirsty or even lightheaded at times?  

Hydration is actually a matter of personal experience. For some, the old 8 glasses of water rule doesn’t even apply. It’s not about amount of water (with the 8 glasses rule being somewhat propaganda) but more so quality of the hydration. Water can come from food, especially water rich fruits and vegetables which offer not only water but sugars, vitamins, and minerals…which are more impactful on the body’s hydration as a whole than just plain water, as I will go into next. 

It’s not about drinking excessive amounts of water but about drinking a more correct balance. There is even a practice for runners called “hyper hydration’ that includes a sprinkle of salt in water before runs compared to guzzling large amounts. But does it help? Read about it here. 

For me, the sweet spot of not feeling dehydrated became more of a hydration-matrix. I learned to accept that not by water alone could I feel my best, especially when I was sweating a great deal. It was more sustainable for me to choose water mostly but also include things like coconut water and vitamin C electrolyte packs, as well as a sprinkle of salt in water. I’m now using trace mineral drops some days and feeling far better and supple as a result. 

In the health and wellness space, it’s common to hear that salt is terrible and so is sugar. I don’t think either are bad when you eat a whole diet of real foods. Salt needs to exist in the body in a special balance with water, as does sugar for optimum health. The problem is salt and sugar are often eaten in excess in this country as they are often added to foods unnecessarily and are super high in processed foods. For those of us eating “clean” types of whole foods, as well as exercising past 30 mins or so, we might actually need to replenish with a little salt in water or even a hint of sugar like naturally occurring sugars in coconut water (my favorite is Vita Coco.) 

I think when it comes to hydration, it's about being aware and paying attention to your body if you are drinking plenty of water and still not feeling so great. Once you're ruled out other potential medical issues, it might be as simple and creating a more diverse hydration plan as I did. Little salt there, electrolytes as needed, water rich foods, sugars in balance and not just relying on copious amounts of water alone (which can be problematic in it's own right.) 

// Broken Hearts Club

I used to wonder if my heart had been broken as a child and I spent the rest of my life trying to put it back together again, looking for a way to patch up cracks that had been there forever. This type of melancholy seems to be with me in a tragic romance sort of way. I wondered if I would spend my life going from one love (or what I thought was love) to another, none looking like what I was told was good (or stable and acceptable) but opting for it anyway and perpetuating a cycle of pain I didn't know if I even could live without. 

This lead to an adulthood of more quick experiences than long, that were similar in their intensity and inability to sustain themselves, but none the less, they never felt good ending. My heart would again be broken. Secretly, of course. Part of my MO, was never telling anyone how I really felt and thus believed that I would never have to truly hurt if I didn't get too close or acknowledge how I truly felt about anyone. Oh, that is not how it works. In this way, I would suffer alone and in suffering alone it would be far more painful. Being a hopeful romantic (or wildly dysfunctional) I was quick to tell myself it was in that beautifully painful way, as if the only way to truly feel the depth of love was to open yourself up to the possibility of being destroyed. I always felt that I could take the risk of choosing love over fear, and if it worked well I would have something many can never achieve as they closed themselves off out of fear. And if it failed? Well. I would have the privileged rapture of having felt the all the “love.” 

Maybe I became a glutton for the punishment of a hurting heart or maybe the broken heart I believed I had as a child was all too familiar and instead of picking what was healthy and sane, I picked what was familiar. Mired in pain being a comfort zone. 

There was the time I had to accept that even with all my efforts of keeping someone, I had already lost them. There were times lovers chose others. There were summer flings that got too serious. There was long distance (my particular flavor of choice) that keeps you in an almost perpetual state of longing that is only matched by the hope you continue to hold onto that it *could* be great some day. And then there were times I broke my own heart by creating and staying in environments that could never fill my soul the way I needed. 

One particular experience hurt in a different way. As it turned into silence, as many had before, with nothing substantial enough to warrant a proper closer, I was left with no answers. No words. Nothing to hold onto. In those days, I turned totally inwards and took my writing, but I’ll tell you, when there is no one to talk to and the only hand you have to hold is your own…it is easy to damn love and all the feelings it comes with, yet I continued to believe that love is never lost. I started viewing it not as how much it hurt, but as a privilege to be able to feel. I don’t regret throwing my heart into certain situations. Nor do I regret the love I was able to explore otherwise. 

I was recently asked how to handle a break up in a stable way. As much as I could make a list of things to do to soothe oneself, I believe that everything is always in a state of creation, maintenance, or destruction. (Sounds dark, but it just means that everything is cyclical. There are beginnings and ends.) With love, there may be no end, but you cannot be fully present without understanding you might lose it. Quite the conundrum to be so scared of losing something you can’t enjoy it while you have. Like flies stuck in honey, as Alan Watts said.** 

A broken heart is a humbling reminder of just how human we are. It’s also a reminder of how much emotional pain can turn into physical pain. Though situations vary and there are justifications for everything, there is no denying the pain that can exist in the midst of trying to figure out a new normal when everything you knew is no more. There is shock, grief, anger, nostalgia, or even moments of clarity, as confusing as they are comforting. Some relationships have hurt all along in smaller ways. Disappointment, lapses in communication, differing life goals, time, space, connection or the lack there of, jealousy, etc. We are feeling creatures. To experience the high highs, there are also some low lows. 

Through my adult years, I’ve learned that I can show when things hurt. I can show when I’m in pain over something as tender as the human heart. Where I used to think it was weak to admit caring, I have learned that my big ole heart was not a perceived flaw but a gift that continues to confirm just how human I am and how deeply and fully I can love someone. A nod to my empathy that leaves me vulnerable and exposed but also fully present and connected to another person’s feelings. I try to exist in a space where relationships are not about owning one another or being a whole person who comes together with another whole person to try something great that we both accept might not always feel amazing.  In accepting myself for who I am, I am more free to explore love but it at the same cost, more free to feel loss along the way. 

I would love to say we break up and it just takes some good food and sunshine for the whole thing to feel better, but that’s really not the case. Our self esteem can take a massive hit. We can start spiraling about everything in our lives not going right. Jealousy can come up. Possessiveness. Delusional thinking or romanizing our once partners. If this or if that, we could be ok. In our delicate state, we can internal societal messages we believe, start the negative talk to ourselves, and wonder if we will ever get over said person. 

Broken hearts always hurt. Whether they are mutually agreed upon partings or betrayals you didn’t even see coming that pack a solid punch to your insides. There is a pain that sits with you, eats away at your thoughts, causes you to frantically or methodically seek out any forms of coping you can get your hands on and can even leave you crying to strangers. 

I think getting perspective is important. I think being sad and feeling like shit is part of it. I think acknowledging and talking about your feelings, no matter how conflicted, confusing, or embarrassing they might be will help you begin to heal. I think distracting yourself is a part of it, too.  Not in lieu of feeling, but in addition to. We go on vacation. We chat up anyone remotely cute. We hit up old flings to remind of us our desirability or access. Or maybe we sink into a dark spot and damn everyone who dares flirt with us. I think we have to be open to the support of friends and family who are there for us. I also think we should avoid truly self destructive habits and change the way we look at things in the previous relationship or during the break up. 

It isn’t always about what you’re losing, but what you gained or are gaining. Do everything and anything you really loved and didn’t get to fully do (or missed) while you were in the relationship. Journal. Write letters (that you don’t send, or maybe you do, but they should be written for you.) Get on some affirmations and start to feel good about you again. 

Lead with acceptance of yourself, your human-ness and life on life’s terms. And don’t feel bad for feeling bad. Shit hurts and yet it happens to all of us at one point or another. Though we can carry that with us to future relationships, we can also use it as a window into something deeper. I once read that “catastrophe has a way of propelling us into the essence of things.” I hope any one of you dealing with a broken heart or a troubling break up, can use the experience to find the essence of self, of where your heart is or what it’s made of, and experience more inward growth as a result. 

** "We seem to be like flies caught in honey. Because life is sweet we do not want to give it up, and yet the more we become involved in it, the more we are trapped, limited, and frustrated. We love it and hate it at the same time. We fall in love with people and possessions only to be tortured by anxiety for them. The conflict is not only between ourselves and the surrounding universe; it is between ourselves and ourselves. For intractable nature is both around and within us. The exasperating “life” which is at once lovable and perishable, pleasant and painful, a blessing and a curse, is also the life of our own bodies."

// True Botanicals Pure Radiance

Super honored to be part of the recent True Botanicals Pure Radiance Body Launch and happy to report the products as amazing as you would think. They got together a beautiful and dope set of ladies for this one! I'm always looking for new ways to keep my skin soft and smooth; on my body as well as my face. True Botanicals duo allows for just that without abrasive scrubs or harsh ingredients. 

Natural and organic, it's formulated for the skin all over your body that is subject to the conditions of life (weather, stress, pollution, aging, etc.) but how often do we really stop to care for the skin on our bodies in the same way we do that on our faces? 

The duo works by starting with a Resurfacing Body Mask. It's not the kind of mask you are thinking though. This light weight formula is water like when applied. You put it all over your skin and wait 5-10 minutes before hopping in the bath or shower to rinse it off. Exfoliation the right way without scrubbing and attacking our skin. Follow your bath or shower with the Pure Radiance Body Oil that is luxurious (and smells amazing.) You will notice results by how soft, supple, and hydrated your skin it. It glows. Even with all the other exfoliation products I've tried, never has a result felt so nourishing and smooth. I must have been doing this wrong all along! 

Dope natural products are only half of this launch. We also got to speak on why our bodies were good places to live, what self-care meant to us, and other personal reflections on skin and life. I can't wait to show you those clips when they come out! I think we should all be so grateful for these bodies, even if we don't like them all the time. Our body is only true home. 

// Not Always Positive & That's Ok

Recently I got to chat with THE/THIRTY about why positive thinking all the time (which is huge in my industry) isn't always the most realistic or sustainable way to approach thinking about life. My thinking on the subject is not the most popular opinion, but as someone who works has more experience in the mental health space, it's one that helps me live a sound life, that is happy because it's one rooted in reality.

I also got to share how we could navigate positive thinking in a way that works for us. Here are my notes below, or peep the article right here: Please Stop Telling Me to "Be Positive" All the Time 

When the author (who is great, I might add) freed herself from that "expectation" of being always positive, she naturally became a happier person. Love that. 

Here are my notes: 

1) What do you think the danger is in forced positivity? Why is this disingenuous?

There is this idea we need to be positive and happy. If we can jsut get our thoughts in line, we can live a better life. Better things will come our way. We then start to feel bad if we have negative thoughts or feelings that are not aligned with “positivity.” I think it’s problematic because it puts us in a position where we cannot express hurts and pains in a helpful way because we feel ashamed we felt them. We start to blame ourselves for not being positive or happy. 

Humans have a range of emotions and feelings that change constantly during the course of a day (our week, our life, etc.) Happiness is not always the best answer for some of those. As fully whole people we need to honor the range of emotions we can have. We need to pay attention to our feelings as they will tell us more about ourselves and the world around us. We can ask ourselves WHY on the backend of those. 

2) On the flip side, why do you think positivity and forced happiness is such a recurring theme in the wellness world? Why have we been convinced that positivity is something we should aspire to at all times?

JUST MANIFEST! I believe it’s a combination of ideas from those around like attracting like and when you’re living in a high vibrational state (positive) more high vibration things will come your way.  A ‘thoughts become things’ way of thinking. This DOES and CAN work, but only if you’ve done some other deeper work beforehand. 

It may also come from a psychology world where you reframe negative self-talk through the work of positive affirmations. They are often used for improving self-esteem, a valuable tool that helps us navigate life and make decisions. Learning how to talk to ourselves in a positive light is meaningful work. That does not mean we are happy all the time. Learning to speak kindly to ourselves means we take the blame out of feeling bad. 

We are not bad. We had a bad feeling. 

Though I think most wellness people are on the former side of this, I think it’s pushed as something to aspire to because there is the assumption is it the best, healthiest way to be. Smiling happy pictures look like an ideal life with all the avocado toast and leggings you can handle. A land of cares and no real-world problems. Who doesn’t want to sell that dream if you’re in wellness and trying to show how your “wellness” lifestyle is best?

Personal note: I’ve been told I was “too dark” for wellness because I don’t smile much in pictures and wear a lot of dark colors. Plot twist... I also wear a lot of white… and I smile all the time. My public presence does not reflect every aspect of me as a human, but it does show that we can be fully whole people with good days, bad days, and no reason to fake smile 100 times to get a happy looking mirror selfies. 

3) How can we learn to practice more realistic thinking?

Some of the above is a starting place (ie: being able to separate doing bad things or having bad feelings, from being a bad person,) but I think it’s best to take a Stoic approach to things. It’s partially a view that all emotions come from within us (taking responsibility for our feelings and not blaming the world) and that good can only exist with bad. That life is best lived when we understand ourselves and that life is beautiful as well as tragic. 

There is a gratitude that comes with being able to experience pain and pleasure because it means we are alive. And to be alive means to feel it all; the good, the bad, the ugly. I think that in itself gives me (personally) a massive space for gratitude and frees me to really love and appreciate life. This does not mean I am negative. It more so means we can be realistic and will probably be “happier” with such a freedom to feel everything as it comes.

// Talkspace Review: There When I Needed Them

It's been on my Friday Favorites and I've spoken about it numerous times on socials. And after many questions and comments, I felt it time to write about my experience with Talkspace. 

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Growing up, I was blessed to have parents who believed in therapy. At 10, after talking about “being sad” on and off for years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist. We looked at pictures. We talked about life scenarios. I talked about my dog dying. I avoided mentioning how I really felt. Weeks passed and I finally broke down about how much I hated my body. It was a major moment for little me, who probably was more upset about my parents’ divorce, while my body was taking the brunt of that emotion.

I was quickly told, that’s not a problem. You have nothing to dislike. Feeling entirely not validated, I never went back to that therapist. Years passed and all through my depression, anxiety, and eating disorder I saw many therapists, and finally settled on one who is an angel passing through this universe. She gave me hope. She helped me find me. She provided therapy in a way that empowered me, and ultimately changed everything I knew about the therapy process. I was a believer, but a believer based in reality. Not all therapy or therapists fit all people.

Fast forward to years later and I’m living in NYC, working for myself and traveling more than I even realized. A traumatic life experience happens. I knew I had to figure out therapy to process this event. My in-person options in NYC were limited due to time, expense, insurance, and frankly, my own scheduling and not being in a space to commit to weekly in-person sessions. I also didn’t want to spend weeks or months finding a good local fit. An exhausting process.

It’s not to say I’ve had bad experiences with in-person therapy sessions, but after too many sessions spent discussing what my being late really meant, I knew I needed to look for more options. I googled online therapy and found Talkspace right there. I saw a sweet sign-up deal and did not hesitate. The price point was manageable and, though I had no idea how their therapy text messaging system worked, I was hurting and needed to talk to someone qualified as I navigated that life experience. I filled out my questionnaire and was paired with a Therapist.

It’s two years later now and the rest is history. I love the help I get with Talkspace. I was given a therapist who is exactly what I needed. Who is respectful, qualified, and best of all, genuine. She is committed to my therapy as much as I am. Messaging allows me to really focus on feelings as they are coming up day to day, instead of having to mentally recap once a week in person (where I would, no fail, always end up talking about something else, and leave thinking, oh wow, I didn’t get the conversation I needed on that important subject).

With Talkspace I can leave written text messages for my therapist (which are therapeutic in themselves) as well as voice memos. We not only exchange voice memos, but also share articles and files. I’ve even had a video session (also an option on Talkspace) that was great to really hone in on a specific goal or topic we are discussing.

I also loved the fact I can use Talkspace as I need to. I come in for a few months. I go away for a few months. I check back in as I need. Their program is incredibly flexible, and that’s really the goal of good therapy. There is a beginning, the working phase, and closure. Closure does not mean forever though. Therapy is always there if and when we need it as we go about life and it’s many unpredictable but very human experiences and situations.

I’m a better me when I value myself enough to utilize therapy. Talkspace is a major component of that process. As someone who’s also about to get my own license to practice clinical therapy, I have learned innumerable lessons from the Talkspace model. Not only do I value the therapy and love my therapist, but I learned that this digital age has some hidden gifts. Talkspace and online therapy is one of those gifts.